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I flew to Austin a day early to prepare for a day of teaching with @jackicarr and @rockyourblisstomorrow. I’ve never been here and love the excitement of a new city, new coffee shops, new people.

I left a very sleepy crew at 5 am this morning. I paused and looked at them in bed before I left and thought “Wow, I am so blessed.” A snoring bulldog, a quiet(!) Baby A and my man all in a cuddle puddle on one side of the bed.

Tomorrow my husband will load up the car with a car seat, a stroller, a bag and a wild toddler and meet us in Austin. ✈️ He works tirelessly at his dream job at @vitalproteins, does an amazing job for our family, cooks most of our delicious dinners and seriously doesn’t complain about it.

We are a fiery, passionate duo and we put in the work in our relationship. Relationships require leaning in and compromising and a willingness to learn. It hasn’t always been pretty but I can definitely say we have always committed to doing the heavy lifting, with one other, with fostercare, with it all. I couldn’t imagine being on this life journey with anyone else.

Thank you for being my rock @matt_aporta. Happy early birthday babe. All the tacos and mezcal for you.

P.S. Good luck tomorrow. Download “Moana.” 🙈

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I didn’t grow you in my body for nine months. I wasn’t there the day you were born. I didn’t even know if you’d stay. But this was ten minutes after meeting you, after having my heart expanded and obliterated all at once, loving you more than words could ever say and being born into a Mother.

I was racked with uncertainty about having children. I couldn’t picture myself pregnant. I didn’t feel particularly connected to motherhood. I had a lot of doubt and mistrust.

But then the wild, uncertain path of foster adoption was revealed and there was no doubt in my mind, just piles of paperwork and anticipation.

A year and a half later, our story is still being written. I thank God over and over again each day. You are my greatest teacher and and my greatest adventure. I am so honored to mother you.

#thisisfostercare
#thisisunconditionallove
#mytinysoulmate

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“We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.

When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy.

It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold and the car handle feels wet and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable.”

- Mark Nepo, whose words are a part of my daily practice and whose words bring me home to myself again and again

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“The peace that we are looking for is not peace that crumbles as soon as there is difficulty or chaos. Whether we’re seeking inner peace or global peace or a combination of the two, the way to experience it is to build on the foundation of unconditional openness to all that arises. Peace isn’t an experience free of challenges, free of rough and smooth, it’s an experience that’s expansive enough to include all that arises without feeling threatened.” – Pema Chödrön

Oh, foster care. I’d like to think I picked this path but I have no doubt it chose me. Some days I’m seriously exhausted by staying in relationship with the unknown. Some days I have (mostly inner) temper tantrums and just wanna run away. I’m a human and this shit is beyond hard and I honor that.

But I’m being taught again and again that the only peace to be found is in the present moment. Not in wondering what got me here or obsessively imagining the future. Not in placing all my happiness on external factors. Just staying here. Right here. Minute to minute.

Foster care is my way of receiving life’s medicine, life’s lessons. Our paths and our storylines may look different but the lesson is the same: the way to experience peace is to build on the foundation of unconditional openness to all that arises. None of us are guaranteed a thing. None of us are exempt from uncertainty.

Hardest, most important work we will ever do. And the work is never done but the gifts are endless.

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Oh March. You were beautiful. You were challenging. You were everything that 2019 has been so far for me.

Some moments:
+ Teaching for the first time at @kripalucenter with @rockyourbliss. Silent breakfasts were pretty damn nice.
+ Diving back into life practice with my coach who has changed my whole world.
+ Returning to Sayulita for our @rockyourbliss retreat. Re-affirmed that it’s one of my soulmate kinda places. And that the right people always show up.
+ Going dark for a few days with foster care. Felt immense fear and remembered I don’t live that way anymore. I am tending to and protecting my peace. However necessary.
+ Having my first Reiki experience. Then two more. Bliss rocked.
+ Baby molars coming in. Bliss definitely not rocked.
+ Lots of sweaty pursuits in the yoga room, on the @onepeloton, with @theclass, in the yoga pagoda at @hotelito_los_suenos. And a lot of rehydrating with my drink of choice @drinko2recovery.
+ Trying on believing in magic and miracles and leaving the skeptic in me behind.
+ Having some serious conversations with my husband @Matt_aporta to realign and recommit to just us. Shedding these layers of the last year’s tension and of the past. Also date nights are a must.

Taking a moment to say thank you and goodbye to a month (...lifetime?) that has really shown me how I can truly thrive and where I keep myself stuck. This evolution is a privilege. (Also I’d really like a maca milkshake from @la_esperanza_sayulita right now. Meet there in 15 @jackicarr? 😉)