If there's anyway to describe life right now it's full. And it's most certainly not just mine.
Just this morning we got together for a little diner breakfast send-off for Ashley who is heading to Uganda for the next couple of months.
And the rad part is that all of us are in that space of doing really cool things and the even better part is that we are radically supporting the hell out of one another.
Friday night after much vino and sunshine, a few of us sat in my living room talking about just that. I grew up pretty terrified of other girls, and my friends agreed that they felt the same way. Being "supportive" was just about as foreign to me as the ocean in small town Iowa, and when I look back at that, it makes me sad. When i got to college, I was surprised at how nice girls could be, but definitely still scared and very unwilling to make myself vulnerable to anyone that could hurt me. You can imagine just how much fun that was..! it took up so much precious energy too.
Turning thirty in just a few months has made me look back at these different stages of my life, of myself, and I feel almost jumpupanddown grateful to be where I am. Yes, of course, I still feel weird tinges of jealously or bitchiness for no apparent reason, but now I check myself. "What the hell is this about?" on some days and other days I ask myself more compassionately. And then I work to take a big leap in the direction of vulnerability. That's where all the juiciness lives. That's where my friendships are flourishing.
At one point a few months ago a friend of mine and I had a big ol' ah-ha moment where we both realized that we had completely different stories about one another playing in our heads. Those stories were creating this almost hilariously huge wall between us - I couldn't see her; she couldn't see me. Hell, we couldn't even shout over it. Once we figured that out, and uncovered it, the darkness of it all just sort of vanished. It almost became funny and is especially funny now, that we have become extremely close and collaborative.
If something or someone scares you, good! Dig in. Get juicy. Have a cry. Uncover the story. And then have a hell of a good laugh over it, and perhaps a glass of wine. All we can hope for is to become more and more ourselves in this lifetime and be surrounded by those who support it.
(thanks to all of my inspiring friends who love my light and dark, laugh and cry with me, and share many good bottles of wine. I love you.)