In true virgo fashion, I can be a big ol' critical pain in the ass.
I can be hard on those closest to me. I jump to conclusions. My mind is a very busy illusory machine.
That being said, because I know this about myself, I keep the reins on my mind quite tight. I probably ask myself, "is that true?" twenty times a day, but when the acupuncture, the green juice and the sweaty yoga practice has been pushed onto the back burner, my inner demons rear their ugly heads.
After a challenging trip home, I had a weird week. I was feeling really critical of everybody but me, and that downward spiral was putting me in an epically shitty mood. So friday I picked up the phone and called my mom who entertained my bullshit for about ten minutes then promptly sent me an email:
"Actually you were part of the reason the weekend was rough. So get over yourself. Embrace the greatness about your life."
A few years ago that email would've sent me into a tailspin but as soon as I got it I thought, yesyesyes you are so right.
I was missing the beautiful moments with my husband, with my family; the time spent in my childhood home; the afternoons in nature.. and it was all because I was caught up on a few shitty interactions.
Sometimes our mirror becomes dirty and we cannot see ourselves or others clearly. In yoga we call this avidya. It's important to question our view constantly because it's distorted. The exact same thing could happen to you and I, and we'd likely have wildly different stories and experiences.
Donna Farhi likens deconstructing these barriers to cleaning the windshield on one's car so that one can see the beauty and avoid the potholes while driving.
Where does this critical inner nature come from? How can I feel so loving and compassionate then the critic rears its ugly head? I think the only way to lessen it is to love it. To understand that it's from a place of fear. To understand that it's another reason to look even deeper within.
Everything that's happening is just simply happening. We are the ones that choose to attach a story to absolutely everything. when our story isn't inspiring, it's time to look in the mirror. It's time to make a shift.