I'm sitting at my makeshift desk with a candle burning and a hot mug of decaf. It's sunday. By far, my favorite day out of the week. I slept in, hit up a sweaty yoga class with two of my good friends and have bought myself the afternoon just for me.
It was a tough week. I made the decision a few weeks ago to leave a yoga studio I have been teaching at for four years, a studio where I have truly grown into myself and have been lucky to have unbelievable students. I made the choice because I wanted my evenings. After a full day of teaching, coaching and running around, it was taking quite a bit of caffeine and sometimes a personal bribery of coconut ice cream to get me rallied to get there.
Leaving the studio is scary to me. I rarely spend any time in my comfort zone as of late. What I'm up to demands me to live outside of it, as desired otherwise I would've always stayed put, but it can be pretty damn exhausting. What i know though, is that to give a lot to others, you've gotta take the time to fill back up.
At the end of my very last class at the studio last Wednesday night, I took a moment to look around at so many of the students who have been there every week for years. Our relationship has deepened beyond the time on the mat. I feel committed to their growth and happiness, and I think they feel committed to mine. I was determined not to cry until I heard a hiccup of a cry out of one of my students Irena. Immediate waterfall of tears from me. It's almost funny - it's not like I'm moving to Alaska, I just won't be at this studio anymore - but it's also total proof of our powerful and vulnerable our time is on our mats. In fact, these relationships that I've built is precisely why I do what I do. It's the truly yoga - a deep connection with others where we see ourselves in them and they in us.
As we said our goodbyes, Irena handed me a package. I unwrapped it to find a tank she made me that said, "blisscrafter" on the front and "practice joy" on the back, as well as a card inscribed with a quote I read in her very first class:
“All is well, and you will never get it done. Life is supposed to be fun. no one is taking score of any kind, and if you will stop taking score so much, you will feel a whole lot better – and as you feel a whole lot better, more of the things that you want right now will flow to you. You will never be in a place where all of the things that you are wanting will be satisfied right now, or then you could be complete – and you never can be. this incomplete place that you stand is the best place that you could be. You are right on track, right on schedule. Everything is unfolding perfectly. All is really well. have fun. Have fun. Have fun!”
When she handed me that card I remembered the night I read it, I remember the extremely painful time I was going through, I remember trying not to cry.
But now I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna be vulnerable, I'm gonna be right outside my comfort zone if you are trying to find me.
Because all is really well. Have fun. Have fun. Have fun!