The Pause

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This year already seems to be about the pause. Whether it’s an involuntary pause being laid out with sickness or court delays. Or the intentional pauses which I’m cultivating much more frequently as well. It’s so easy for me to get swept up in fear, in worry, in wild thoughts and story fondling. It seems so “real.” It seems like something that needs to be remedied or forced, right now, right away.

But I’m finding that for me the only thing that really matters, that really feels true is what is grounded in love. My teacher reminds me often to seek peace with a sense of urgency. Because what else really matters? Not the worries, not the to do list, not my or anyone else’s drama. Right now that peace is the sound of this little boy’s breathing and the sound of the rain. I will seek peace with a sense of urgency because it always, always leads me back home to myself. The real me, not the scared me, that I now truly love thirty five years in and am honored I get to be.