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You woke up at 5:30 this morning. I brought you upstairs with me. Laid your sweaty little head on my chest and slept for another hour. I didn’t sleep a wink. I laid there and just listened to you breathe.

Last year was a swirl of court dates and grasping and letting go and learning the in between. I tried on saying goodbye to you so many times and I never got any better at it. But you’re still here, thank God, and you taught me to pay attention. Not just to you but to it all. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with living like you might not get a chance to say goodbye. Because then you show up.

Our story is still unfolding, little one. Almost fifteen months since I first saw your big brown eyes. I thank God on every 11:11 and all the moments in between.