Let Myself Be Led

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A year and a half ago we left our life in Venice and moved across LA. We'd spent several years burrowing deep into California cottage and making our neighborhood our own. Rosy and I could walk to our local coffee shop with our eyes closed and the baristas knew us by name. I remember just a couple months prior to our move thinking, I could never leave here.

Never say never.

Our friends, a married couple with a new babe, had moved to Silver Lake a couple years prior. I hadn't spent much time there and when we did make the jaunt across the city we went straight to their house and hunkered down there. On a Sunday afternoon we decided to brave the traffic and spend the afternoon there. Once we arrived Patrick pointed out the house across the street saying it was for rent.

Wanna go see it?
Why not, we said.

We walked through the rooms, all full of boxes and furniture and a good amount of dirt, as the couple who lived there was moving to Texas. It was nestled in the trees and had a special room made of windows that was hit by light at every angle.

Matt and I looked at one another. The strangest thing happened. They asked if we wanted to move in, we looked at one another and we said yes. Just like that.

I could’ve never imagined leaving our home and our neighborhood but all of the sudden the choice was easy and not even much a choice. We just knew. We moved in and the "treehouse", as we've come to affectionally call it, was an absolute mess. I spent many an afternoon in rubber gloves wielding a bottle of bleach... and crying. But you bite off more than you can chew then you chew it.

We settled into our life in East Los Angeles. It turned out that the treehouse just needed some love, like all of us, in order to be shinier, more full of light. I turned the room of windows into my yoga sanctuary and we cooked big meals and fed our friends to make it feel like home.

Almost a year later we drove to our original “get to know you” appointment at our foster adoption agency. As I input the address into our GPS I laughed aloud. It was right down the street. In all of Los Angeles, this sprawling, messy city, and it was right under our noses. In all of LA the place where we would grow our family was right here.

2017, you’ve been hard. You’ve taken everything I saw as “safe” or “guaranteed” and turned it on its head. But you’ve also taught me how to trust. I feel like I’m in an absolute freefall but also right where I’m supposed to be. I just gotta let myself be led.