You Are a Child of the Universe
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I haven’t traveled since becoming a mom without several layers of anxiety, uncertainty and, let’s be honest, fear. Today we took the chairlift to the top of the mountain and I felt such a sense of spaciousness and peace. This last year and a half has been a serious uphill battle and I’m going to enjoy this floater, more in the flow, chairlift kind of feeling.

Feels so right to be amongst the Evergreens and the Aspens. Feels so good to be breathing this mountain air a bit easier.

I am reminded of one of my favorite works “Desiderata.”

“You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.”

Mary Beth LaRueComment
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I’ve learned a lot over these past twenty months. Lessons I will, no doubt, be processing for the rest of my life. But I also learned to lean into magic.

In March, right before I left to lead a retreat in Mexico, we got some news that rocked us to our core. I was uncertain of the next step forward and, to be honest, absolutely terrified. I remember making Baby A dinner and while he sat in his high chair I literally slid down to my knees and sobbed.

I arrived in Mexico, unsure of what would be happening with my family at home but trusting my husband would do his best (and he seriously did.) I came armed with crystals and mala beads and prayer books and whatever trust I had left. I said to my friend Audra, “Please help me.” I was willing to do whatever it took to move through this fear. Basically, please direct me to the nearest Shaman.

I ended up on a massage table in an open air space, white curtains billowing in the wind, and the kind eyes of Andrea whose laugh lines extended to her hairline. I laid down and experienced magic.

This magic was Reiki. Something I had so many doubts about and had never experience.. I sobbed and breathed deeply and let go of so many layers of pain, doubt and fear. I literally floated out of the space. I knew I had felt the energy I was created with and the energy I would return to. I had an experience of the Divine.

This weekend I sat in a circle of women, all who had felt deep depths of pain and all who had experienced the Light. We went through our Reiki Initiation and once again, I knew, I was home.

Baby A, we brought you home from the hospital twenty months ago. And sweet boy, you brought me home to myself.

I will never stop thanking you. I will never stop thanking God.

I believe in magic. I open myself to the unknown. I am humbled knowing that I am not in control, in charge, of the Universe.

Mary Beth LaRueComment
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The further I wake into this life, the more I realize that God is everywhere and the extraordinary is waiting quietly beneath the skin of all that is ordinary. Light is in both the broken bottle and the diamond, and music is in both the flowing violin and the water dripping from the drainage pipe. Yes, God is under the porch as well as on top of the mountain, and joy is in both the front row and the bleachers, if we are willing to be where we are.
- Mark Nepo

Mary Beth LaRueComment
Practice Notes
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I love when I find the little reminders I’ve scribbled myself in notebooks, in drawers, on my mirror. This from Anne Lamott has carried me through many days. “I do not understand the mystery of grace, only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”

Mary Beth LaRueComment
Rhythmic Changes
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l remember standing over the sink in tears one morning this past March. My heart was feeling particularly beat up and contracted.

But I looked at these freshly picked oranges and flower, a gift from our neighbor’s yard, and knew they’d be like this for only awhile. The flower still in full bloom, the oranges ripe and juicy. Everything is in transition. Every single living thing has moments of contraction and expansion, opening and closing.

As one of my favorite yoga teachers, Donna Farhi, writes:.

“Throughout our lives we cycle through times of expansion, times of contraction, and times of being suspended in a pause or plateau where we are assimilating and integrating our experience.

These rhythmic changes are as natural to us as our breath. As the internal metronome of rhythm, our breath mirrors this life process of taking in and absorbing, letting go and relinquishing, and resting in the moments in between.

When we suppress any one of these rhythms in our Yoga practice, our time on the mat will serve to freeze our way of being rather than afford us a way of adapting and changing in response to our deepest needs.”

Offering up my deepest gratitude for these seasons of life and the moments when I flow with them rather than against.

Mary Beth LaRueComment
Welcome back
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When I walked in to teach my first yoga class this past Monday one of the girls looked at me and said “Welcome back.”

And then she said, “Oh wait, that was weird. You didn’t go anywhere.”

But I did. And welcome back is absolutely perfect. I feel like my spirit has been in a pressure cooker for the past couple of years. There have been moments that have felt downright unbearable, but when I reflect back, for the most part it just “was.”

A whole lot of stuff happened. Some things I labeled as stressful, amazing, life changing, “for certain.” Things happened. And I labeled them. I suffered. I celebrated. I worked diligently with my coach Shelli Lawrence and I stopped labeling quite as much. I suffered less. I celebrated a bit more. And today, I feel lighter.

Whatever space you are in today, it’s impermanent. It’s as fleeting as your breath, clouds, waves, weather. Keep your eyes open. Your heart open. I will too.

Mary Beth LaRueComment
IV Me, Please
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A couple of months ago I scheduled with @thewlnss to have a vitamin IV in the comfort of my own home. You better believe I loaded that IV up with every anti-aging, beautifying supplement known to man, but when the day came, I was sick as can be. I’ll tell you what, having an IV in the comfort of your own home when you feel like complete hell (or honestly even if you don’t) was complete heaven. I napped afterward, woke up feeling much better and still finished the entire season of “Euphoria” because it’s not everyday this mama has the couch, the pup AND the Netflix to herself.

Thank you @thewlnss for seriously turning my week around.

Click here to register for your own IV, acupuncture or cupping at home and try for yourself. (Adorable bulldog not included.)

Mary Beth LaRueComment
There is more to life than conquering mountains
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I came across this poem, by @beautaplin, a few days ago:

There is more to life than conquering mountains,
than expanding all of your efforts
on achieving a singular goal
without taking a breath
or time to savour the view.
Slow Down
you are allowed
to set up camp
once in awhile

to set yourself
aside some time
to renew your heart

to lie your head
back in the soft grass
and marvel at the stars.

Oh my goodness.

The words “slow down you are allowed to set up camp once in awhile,” truly anchored in my heart. I often look at my endless to do list and endless email inbox and make the mistake of thinking that those things are the mountain that I’m climbing. That I’m meant to continue answering, checking off, filing away for the rest of my days. And I feel a sense of purpose when I look at a to do list that is no longer and an email inbox wiped clean.

But when I truly pause, as I did with my Morning Pages this morning, I’m meant to set up camp. For moments here and there, every single day. The true purpose is in the paying attention. To the mess of toys on the floor, the mess of words in my head and heart, the gorgeous mess of my relationships, my creative spirit, my whole life.

Mary Beth LaRueComment